Where focus goes energy flows
If you want to learn how to build confidence, you must be willing to change your state. Your state is essentially your mood at any given time of day. Your mood is influenced by how you feel about yourself at that point in time. The good news is you can change your state at any time – no matter what’s going on around you – as long as you know how to do it. Here are the main principles of building confidence and certainty that anyone can use to their advantage – and some real-life examples to help you apply them in any area of your life.
BODY LANGUAGE
Physiology is key when learning how to be confident. Mastering the body language of confidence can put you on the path to success. Think about someone you know whom you consider extremely confident. When you first met them, you probably knew they were confident before they even started speaking. You knew they were self-assured because of the way they carried themselves and moved. They made eye contact, shook your hand firmly and stood up straight. Now do a quick inventory of your body. What’s your posture like? How are you breathing? We all get in negative states, which can lead to slouching, shallow breathing or hanging your head. You have the power to change how you’re feeling by controlling the way your body moves and the way you present yourself.
POSITIVITY
Thinking positive can manifest itself in several ways. First, change your focus – because “Where focus goes, energy flows,” as Tony says. Instead of getting hung up on all the ways something could go wrong, focus on all the ways it could go right. Think about how you’re going to nail your presentation and how pleased your coworkers will be to hear it. What you focus on becomes your reality – and that includes what you focus on within your own mind. Replace negative words with positive ones and start seeing the bright side of situations. By changing your focus, internally and externally, you’re changing your state. And by changing your state, you’ll change your life.
EMOTIONAL CONTROL
Humans have the unique and incredible capacity to experience a wide range of emotions. But if you let your emotions dictate your experience of life without pinpointing why you feel a particular way, your emotions control you. The truth is that you control the way you feel, including whether or not you feel confident. Confidence is not something people are born with – it’s something you must create. Building confidence creates the feeling of certainty that you can accomplish what you set out to do. Confidence is like any other emotion. It is something you feel, and you can train yourself to access it in an instant.
A GROWTH MINDSET
What do you think being confident entails? You may have some idea that confidence only stems from prior success – that you can only know how to be confident in yourself after you’ve become wildly successful. This sort of core belief severely limits you. Confidence doesn’t come from your outward achievements – it comes from within. Being confident means that if you do fail, you can pick yourself back up and try again instead of throwing in the towel. Once you start taking actionable steps toward your goal of being confident, your beliefs will gradually start to solidify. It’s time to adopt a growth mindset and start believing that you can learn how to build confidence.
PRACTICE SELF-LOVE
To truly learn how to be confident, you need to love yourself first. When you fall in love with yourself, you’ll have confidence no matter what happens in life, because that confidence will come from within.
To master the art of self-confidence, first master the arts of
self-awareness and self-love. Determine your values, and be proud of them. Embrace your strengths and weaknesses equally. That doesn’t mean you can’t work on those weaknesses. It’s about appreciating who you are and what makes you different from everyone else on the planet. When you start questioning your self-belief, remember to love yourself first.
CONQUER YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS
Without self-love, people unconsciously adopt limiting beliefs about what they are capable of or what type of relationship they deserve. This leads to self-sabotage and reinforcement of these beliefs – and overcoming them is the first step to total confidence. Ask yourself: What are the beliefs that are causing your lack of confidence in the first place? Negative emotions like self-doubt or anxiety are deeply connected to the opinions we have of ourselves based on our life experiences. They’re your brain telling you that it’s time to examine these limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering ones.
CONNECT CONFIDENCE TO YOUR GOALS
Why is learning how to gain confidence important to you? Do you present at conventions where you interact with a huge number of people? Do you run a company or a team and need to present a strong sense of leadership? Maybe you’ve started dating and want to make a good impression when you meet a potential new love interest. The first step is knowing the purpose behind why you want to achieve it. Once you know your purpose, learning how to build confidence becomes a matter of retraining your brain.
CHANGE YOUR PHYSIOLOGY
The fastest tip for building confidence to radically change your physiology. Stand up straight. Square your shoulders and open up your chest. Breathe deeply. Maintain brisk, purposeful strides when you walk to cover more ground. Maintaining a posture like this makes you feel stronger and where your body goes, your mind follows. You can also observe others’ physiology to learn more about them and gain an edge in negotiations. Certain signs, such as body angle and amount of physical space they take up, can clue you in on how a person perceives a situation – and how they can be persuaded.
TAKE CREDIT FOR YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS
Just as adjusting your body language can make you feel confident even when you’re not, speaking up for yourself even when you don’t feel you deserve it can also have that effect. Confident people may make more money in the workplace due to one straightforward reason: they take credit for their achievements – and they do it when it matters most. If you made a contribution that accomplished a goal for the company or led to a positive outcome, it isn’t bragging to point it out to your manager or CEO – it’s a fact. As long as you state it in a matter-of-fact way, it won’t just make you look good – it will make you feel good, too.
ASSESS YOUR TOP HUMAN NEED
Another vital step toward knowing how to be confident in yourself is to determine what drives your decisions. We all have Six Human Needs: certainty, significance, variety, love/connection, growth and contribution. We value one of these needs more than the others, and it affects every decision we make in life. It can even affect our confidence.
IMPROVE YOUR SELF-TALK
Our words create our emotions, and our emotions create our world. If we’re not feeling confident, it’s a result of the stories we tell ourselves – and the words we use to tell them. The self-talk you use has an important effect on your confidence. What kind of questions are you asking yourself?
If the things that come to your mind are, “How come I’m not successful?”
“Am I not smart enough to reach my goal?”
“Do other people see me as a failure?”
then you are setting yourself up for failure. Catch yourself when you are thinking negatively and shift the pattern of your thoughts. Ask yourself things like, “Why wouldn’t I accomplish everything I set my mind to?” and “Why would I waste time on my anxieties instead of focusing on my strengths?” When you ask better questions, you get better answers.
PRACTICE GRATITUDE
Practicing gratitude is key to living a happy life. Tony says, “When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” Stop thinking of your body as existing only to look at – or worse, for others to look at. Your body is more than a vessel or a painting to be admired. Think about all the things your body does for you. Think about all the things you have to be grateful for, instead of what you don’t have. When you change your mindset from one of negativity to one of abundance, you’ll stop approaching life with a scarcity mindset that breeds negativity and anxiety and start believing that no matter what, the universe will provide for you.
USE POWER POSES
One of the deepest ways to increase confidence is to connect to your inner power. All of us have strength within us, but when we’re feeling low it can be difficult to remember it’s there. Consider developing your own personal power pose and breathing deeply to reconnect to your strong core. Your pose can be a yoga pose – warrior is an especially empowering one – standing with your hands on your hips and your feet shoulder width apart or standing with your head held high and your back straight. The important thing is that your pose achieves the goals of awakening your inner strength and carrying that strength and
confidence into every interaction.
THINK OF PAST SUCCESSES
There’s one incredible trick that will help you figure out how to be confident even when you’re at your absolute lowest: thinking about something you’re proud of. If you’re nervous or feeling unsure about an upcoming situation, picture a recent accomplishment or a time where you successfully handled a similar situation. Maybe you’ve never given a company-wide presentation, but you have confidently presented to clients on calls. Reliving these moments can help you unlock your potential. Your mind will begin to think in positive terms, not negative ones. Channeling moments of pride can help you to see the big picture more clearly.
A GROWTH MINDSET
The fourth principle of building confidence is adopting a growth mindset. A growth mindset means that you believe in your ability to learn and grow, even if you don't have all the answers right now. It's a way of looking at the world that allows you to be open to new experiences and challenges.
To adopt a growth mindset, start by challenging your beliefs about what you're capable of. Do you believe that confidence only comes from prior success? This is a common misconception that can hold you back from achieving your goals. Instead, recognize that failure is a natural part of the learning process and an opportunity for growth. Embrace challenges as opportunities to learn and improve, rather than as threats to your confidence. Cultivate a love of learning and a willingness to take risks, even if it means making mistakes along the way. With a growth mindset, you can develop the resilience and confidence you need to pursue your goals and achieve success.
UTILIZE POSITIVE VISUALIZATION
Visualizing success repeatedly can help build confidence. When you repeatedly visualize a specific situation in which you succeed, your mind starts believing that it has already happened. When the actual situation arises, you feel more confident as your brain thinks, “I can do this.” Focus on success and try to minimize any thoughts of failure, because you get what you focus on.
MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT
For those who find it difficult to be confident, maintaining eye contact can be uncomfortable at first. However, it is important to take action and just do it because confidence will follow. Making eye contact and connecting with people is one of the quickest ways to exude confidence, especially when meeting new people. Use the 80/20 rule, which suggests meeting someone’s eyes 80% of the time and focusing on something else the other 20% to avoid appearing too intense or making the other person uncomfortable.
ESTABLISH HEALTHY ROUTINES
Adopting new routines can help tap into your personal power. Consider incorporating a
meditation practice or incantations into your routine. Mindfulness meditation can reduce anxiety and help you focus on your core competencies. Incantations are a powerful way to use your body and voice to set intentions. You can also start your day with priming, which is a combination of these routines. By incorporating self-belief into your morning routine, you can set the tone for a confident day.
UTILIZE THE POWER OF PROXIMITY
Surrounding yourself with people who inspire and support you can fuel your self-belief. This is the law of attraction – the idea that “Proximity is power,” as Tony Robbins says. To achieve your goals, find people who will elevate you and avoid those who bring you down. You can do this by finding a mentor or joining a mastermind group. This is different from your group of friends or family. When you tap into the power of proximity, you’ll gain trusted advisors who can not only support you, but also challenge you to be better.
NOURISH YOUR MIND
The law of attraction is not only about the people you associate with, but also about what you read and watch. Seek advice from others who have achieved your goals, even if they are not your mentor or coach. Watch documentaries about people who have done great things in life. Read inspirational quotes and write down your favorites. Learn about new topics that will help you reach your goals, such as finance, or that will help you face your fears, such as public speaking. This will condition your brain to believe in yourself and your abilities.
LEARN A NEW SKILL
Facing your fears by learning a new skill can increase your self-efficacy – your belief in your abilities to execute tasks, control your own behavior, and attain your goals. Whether you learn how to code or how to play an instrument, you’ll make new neural connections, strengthen your decision-making skills, and release dopamine in the brain, known as the “reward molecule”. You’ll begin to have faith in yourself, one new skill at a time.
LIVE IN THE PRESENT
It can be challenging to be confident in relationships, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past. To be more confident, learn to
appreciate what you have right now without worrying about what may happen in the future or what has happened in the past. Free your mind,
be present, and confidence will follow
